How to Know what You Want in a Relationship

By Maria Victoria Malela. Updated: October 16, 2020
How to Know what You Want in a Relationship

Often times relationships can be dysfunctional if we don't make the right choices. Bad choices can affect us negatively and shatter our self-esteem, especially if the pattern keeps repeating itself. To avoid this, it is important to have things clear and know what you're expecting of this relationship. Knowing your expectations is the only way to make a relationship work. However, this can sometimes be tricky and you might feel confused. If you wonder how to know what you want in a relationship, at OneHowTo we are going to offer you a few simple steps to find answers and have happier and healthier relationships.

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Steps to follow:

To know yourself is more than just knowing what you like to do for fun. To know yourself as an individual means that you are able to teach people how they can relate to you efficiently. Everyone has their own love language. To know yourself means to be aware of your needs, your boundaries, your strong points and to be able to balance it out and take care of yourself, so the compatible person knows how to take care of you in a relationship.


Setting standards redirects you towards potential partners you can truly connect with. What qualities would you need from a partner in a relationship? How would you like your partner to be around your family and friends? How important is emotional, intelectual and sexual connection? The point is not to find a person who matches your wish list 100%, but a solid ground to build on.


Let go of control. When you are focused on getting something out of the other person, you treat the relationship like a product. You start taking things for granted and become contemptuous. A relationship is really a pool of possibilities and in order to receive, you should first give. If both partners only seek their personal satisfaction, the relationship becomes a bargain and loses its authenticity.

How to Know what You Want in a Relationship - Step 3

Look for positive role models. Often, when you are confused, you cannot clearly see what you want in a relationship until you see it in someone else's relationship. This happens especially if you grew up in a household with unhealthy dynamics. Look for things that you like about other couples and store the information preciously. It is an indicator of what you want in a relationship and a proof that it can be achieved. Slowly work on redefining your relationship blueprint until you have it clearer.


Educate yourself. Keep reading about relationships in general. Listen to tapes, attend seminars... It can help you define better what you want in a relationship. All this information will help you know what you want in a relationship and understand better you and your partner.

If you want to read similar articles to How to Know what You Want in a Relationship, we recommend you visit our Sentimental relationships category.

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