How to Learn to Control Your Jealousy

By Mary Smith. Updated: January 16, 2017
How to Learn to Control Your Jealousy

Jealousy and insecurities can become one of the worst elements in a relationship with a partner and once they're established, it's difficult to make them disappear. When it happens occasionally, because of a compliment from a third party and when someone is being friendly by showing that they're interested in you, it's normal. But it becomes a problem when it becomes exaggerated and arises for no apparent reason, creating a conflict. If this is your case, you should quickly learn how to control your jealousy to improve your relationship

Steps to follow:

Determine where your jealousy is coming from. Sometimes it's due to a lack of self-confidence, that makes you believe that the other person can leave you for someone else, while other times it's due to previous experiences. If this is the case, then it's time to get over it and understand that every relationship is different. Moreover, the influence of having grown up in a family environment where your parents cheated on one another can also make you more predisposed to the fear, so it's important to determine the cause of the feeling.

How to Learn to Control Your Jealousy - Step 1

Work on trusting yourself, knowing your worth, understanding your strengths and why your partner or people close to you choose your company is very important to learn to control jealousy, since as you feel safer, your obsession with being abandoned will also lessen. In how to increase your confidence, you'll find many tips on how to do this.

How to Learn to Control Your Jealousy - Step 2

Remember that we all need our space and realise that being with your partner at all times won't prevent them from cheating on you, but can actually quickly destroy the relationship. We all need personal space, so being always with your partner could cause the contrary effect and end the relationship. As you work on trust, you'll be able to give your partner more space

How to Learn to Control Your Jealousy - Step 3

Establish your own activities and hobbies without your partner and don't forget that before that person came into your life, you were an individual human being with interests and passions. It's important to maintain this in the relationship and the other person should have their own interests, too. Other activities and keeping yourself busy will help to calm anxieties and you'll feel more sure of yourself doing things that are positive for you.


Avoid negative and destructive thoughts and separate fact from fiction. Jealousy sometimes makes you lose your objectivity and you see things that don't exist, so it's important to control both verbal and physical hostility in a situation that you consider threatening.

How to Learn to Control Your Jealousy - Step 5

Faced with the imminent onset of an attack of jealousy, make the effort to stop and reflect and remain calm. Find a quiet place to calm down and think about what's bothering you. Often, with a cool head you can see the situation better and more clearly and detect if you're exaggerating or if the situation is real.


Pay attention to the issue of "ownership". No one belongs to anyone, a couple exists because two people decide voluntarily to be together, but relations also change or end. When you visualise that the world doesn't end because a relationship does, you understand that often jealousy and irrational reactions to possible abandonment lead to nothing and that this won't make the relationship last longer.

How to Learn to Control Your Jealousy - Step 7

If your current partner has been unfaithful to you several times and that has made you a jealous person, maybe it's time to really think and evaluate whether it's good for you to be with that person. Excessive jealousy is a vicious cycle that wears us down and if you're constantly subjected to situations of infidelity it can be very difficult to be objective, overcome your fears and improve your self-esteem.

If you want to read similar articles to How to Learn to Control Your Jealousy, we recommend you visit our Sentimental relationships category.

  • If you've noticed that your jealousy is excessive and results in psychological or physical violence, it might be time to talk to a specialist
  • You can seek the advice of a friend, but don't look for someone who is jealous like you, because it will only increase your insecurities, so go to someone more objective
  • Remember that although all couples have their problems, the point is to have a happy relationship and not a roller coaster of negative emotions

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