What to Do if Your Partner's Libido is Different to Yours

By Mary Smith. Updated: March 31, 2019
What to Do if Your Partner's Libido is Different to Yours

Sex drive varies significantly from one person and the next and therefore it's common for people to find themselves in a relationship with someone who has a lower/higher libido than themselves. This can often spark conflict and pose problems in terms of the longevity of the relationship. Sexual appetite often experiences peaks and troughs as a relationship goes on, but arguing with your partner often means that sexual desire drops dramatically. Besides trying to get to the source of the problem - by seeking support from a therapist or communicating with your partner - there are some other things you can do to improve the situation. For more information, read this OneHowTo article on what to do if your sex drive is higher or lower than your partner's.

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Understand your partner

At the beginning of a relationship, a couple normally struggle to keep their hands off each other. Whilst sex is new and exciting during this initial honeymoon period, it often dwindles as time goes on. In some cases, there isn't a particular problem as such - one member of the relationship simply enjoys sex more often than the other. If you find yourself in this situation, do your best to understand and respect your partner's wishes and try to reach a middle ground.

Communication is key

Remember that people have different sex drives , depending on many factors including gender, age or chance. When a relationship takes a turn for the worse, people often feel unable to open up enough to have sex with their partner. This, in turn, creates more distance between them and they enter a vicious circle. Communicating and being open about certain problems you might have and working as a team to find a solution is advisable in all parts of life, including your sexual relationships.

What to Do if Your Partner's Libido is Different to Yours - Communication is key


If your partner simply doesn't have sexual urges as often as yourself, it's time to accept that you are different and find other ways of satisfying yourself. First of all: masturbate. Learn to open your mind and enjoy masturbating - a perfect way of exploring your fantasies and quenching sexual desire.

Masturbation is not just for singletons - anyone can benefit from this personal pleasure.

New exciting ideas

Secondly: Spice up sexual intercourse. Are you stuck in a sexual rut? Do you repeat the same positions time after time, at the same time and in the same place? It's no wonder that the flames of passion have dwindled.

Never underestimate the power of the mind: if sex is predictable and we start thinking of sex as a bore or even a chore, this will have a profound effect on our sexual performance and our ability to get aroused. Don't be afraid to suggest new and exciting foreplay ideas to spice things up a bit. Give them some space after you've discussed your feelings and avoid pestering them for sex.

Boost their libido

Also, avoid excessive sexual stimulation, e.g. watching lots of pornography. On the other hand, if your partner has a low sex drive, they should use any sexual stimulation the want to help boost their libido. Erotic literature is a great source of sexual inspiration and might encourage your partner to be more creative in the bedroom.

Don't nag

Nagging your partner will only lead to resentment. If you are going to address the issue, do so by calmly discussing the matter and avoid getting into a heated conversation. If this issue is having a profound effect on both you and your partner, we recommend visiting a sex therapist for further guidance.

If you want to read similar articles to What to Do if Your Partner's Libido is Different to Yours, we recommend you visit our Sentimental relationships category.

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