How Does a Guy Lose His Virginity?
There is a stereotype which claims losing your virginity is a much bigger deal for women than it is for men. There are physical reasons to support this. During their first time many women experience some pain and bleeding. Such an uncomfortable start to a hopefully rich and enjoyable sexual life can make the day itself seem intimidating. Often men do not seem to give as much consideration to losing their virginity. The stereotype extends to see horny adolescent young men as just wanting to have sex at all costs. While there are often grains of truth even in stereotypes, oneHOWTO is here to answer the question how does a guy lose his virginity? As we do, we help to navigate some of the confusing information out there.
Physical changes when a guy loses his virginity
One of the biggest concerns when asking how does a guy lose their virginity is whether there is a physical change to their body. A change to their penis, to be specific. The pain women experience losing their virginity is caused by breaking their hymen. This is the thin membrane in the vulva which partially restricts access to the vaginal canal. Breaking this can cause a little bleeding, but it only happens once. Once broken, it will never grow back. There are other causes of breaking the hymen which may not mean someone is no longer a virgin. Falling on certain objects or during sporting activity can cause the hymen to break. When it does break, the experience can be both unpleasant and uncomfortable. The emotional pain it can cause might be even worse than the physical pain. Being unprepared for the possibility of it happening is risky.
With men, there is no equivalent. Before and after losing their virginity, a guy's penis will be the same. There will be no physical alteration to the member itself. Some people hear horror stories of men feeling something break. Afterwards they can see bleeding from the base of the head of their penis. Unlike the hymen breaking, this is not something which happens to every guy. If a guy feels pain and experiences blood, it is most likely to be due to something called a frenulum. Known to many as the "banjo string", this is the band of tissue of uncircumcised males which connects their foreskin to the rest of their penis. If you have been circumcised, this will not apply to you. For the rest, around 5 percent have a tight frenulum which can make it difficult for the foreskin to move over the head of the penis. This is regardless if they lose their virginity. If someone with this condition has sex, particularly rough sex, this can cause the frenulum to "snap". A small tear in this skin causes the sensation. It can lead to bleeding, but it is important to know that it is not something you need to worry too much about. It will heal, but if it is particularly tight you may need something called a frenuloplasty. This is a procedure where this tissue is loosened. Many men go for outright circumcision, but this might not be necessary.
A man can break his banjo string before they lose their virginity. It could be through masturbation or even being too vigorous in the shower when cleaning it. It isn't a direct outcome of when a guy might lose his virginity.
What is virginity?
If there is no physical change when a guy loses his virginity, then what is exactly is it? There wouldn't be so many movies about men when they lose their virginity (40 Year Old Virgin, The Last American Virgin, etc.) if it wasn't important. Peer pressure to lose your virginity is often exerted by social groups. One of the hardest places to experience negative peer pressure is at school. Being a virgin is seen by some as being naive, inexperienced, weak and something shameful. However, these are additional definitions added over time. Although many people have this view, there are a great number of people who see virginity as being quite different. To them, virginity represents being pure, honorable and respectful. They put a lot of value on their chastity (sexual "purity").
The dictionary definition of virginity is vague and unhelpful. This is the state of being of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. What exactly "sexual intercourse" is has been long up for debate. For many men, they see it only as having penetrative vaginal sex. But what if you are a homosexual man or woman? If either penis or vagina is not present, does this mean that you are still a virgin? What about other sexual acts which do not involve penetration. If you take part in these acts, does that mean you are still a virgin?
A "Technical" Virgin
The answer to some of the above questions seems to lie in the concept of being a "technical virgin". There are lots of other types of ways for people to express their sexuality. This is something often started by exploring masturbation on your own. When somebody else enters the equation, there are other ways to explore each other's sexuality. These could be in the form of mutual masturbation, oral sex or even doing it online. These can be very enjoyable and might be a good precursor to having penetrative sex in the future.
Particularly in countries like America, there are movements which promote sexual abstinence (not having sex). The purpose is to prevent men and women losing their virginity before marriage. This is often accompanied by the wearing of a purity ring. Some people define virginity as not having had penetrative sex, remaining a virgin if you take part in other sex acts. The term for this is a "technical virgin". While not having penetrative sex will mean pregnancy may not be an issue, it doesn't mean that there are no considerations to make. Sexually transmitted infections can be passed on through other types of sex. The emotional impact on individuals is also hard to gauge.
Many people enjoy anal sex as part of a healthy sex life. Feeling pressure to have anal sex because vaginal sex is against the rules can be problematic. If you are gay and have no interest in being with someone of the opposite sex, it is unfair to say that person is a virgin because they have not had vaginal sex. Being with someone of the same sex carries the same emotional considerations and sexual desire as anybody else. Losing your virginity is as important (or unimportant) no matter how you identify.
Cultural importance of virginity
If there are so many possible definitions of virginity, why is it so important to lose it? Much of the importance of virginity has to do with cultural and/or religious upbringings. In many cultures, being a virgin for a woman has been of the utmost importance. It can be so valued that women require a physical evaluation to ensure their "purity".
It has been pointed out by many that there are double standards for men and women when it comes to virginity. In many cultures woman might be less desirable if they are no longer a virgin. On the other hand men have a social pressure to have had many sexual encounters before marriage. This is sometimes referred to as "sowing your wild oats". The theory is that having sexual experience with many women means they no longer have the desire to be with other women after marriage. This theory has more to do with patriarchal culture than actuality. It works towards putting an unnecessary stigma on both women and men. Unfortunately, many people still think in similar terms. This is even if they don't have direct religious or political reasons for feeling this way.
But what does that mean when a guy might want to lose his virginity? It may involve one of two main pressures, neither of which are particularly helpful. If you exist in a culture where sexual intercourse outside of marriage is completely out of the question, then repressing your very normal sexual desires can be emotionally (not to mention physically) frustrating. If, on the other hand, you have pressure to be sexually active while you are not ready, then you can feel like you are less of a man or that you are weaker in the eyes of the group. Both of these can affect relationships, productivity and even, or especially, mental health.
Why is your virginity important?
This is why when a guy considers how to lose your virginity, you need to first ask why is your virginity important. One very practical reason is to do with pregnancy. If you are a guy losing your virginity, you have a responsibility to the person you lose your virginity to. If this is with a girl and you do vaginal penetration, then there is always a possibility of the girl becoming pregnant. If you are not ready to meet this possibility, then you may not be ready to have this type of sex. It is more mature to realize this and not have sex than it is to ignore it and have sex anyway.
You also need to be prepared that your first time is not likely to be the best time. Like anything, if you haven't done it before you won't be as good at it as you would be after practice. If you are premature or are a little fumbling, don't worry. If you are honest with your partner (whether or not they are a virgin), then they should help you with your confidence so that you can make improvements and just start enjoying each other.
Do you have a religious or cultural reason for staying a virgin? If it is a belief that you hold strongly to, then when you lose your virginity it will likely cause a lot of emotional pain, especially in terms of guilt or regret. If it is a belief which the people around you (family, friends, community, etc.) have, but you don't actually have yourself, then this can be difficult too. You will have to weigh up whether or not losing your virginity is worth the potential upset this could cause the people you are close to. This is not always an easy thing to do. You may be prepared to lose your virginity, but not be ready to tell family. If this is the case, you will need to be prepared for a variety of outcomes.
This is because your sexuality is a very personal thing and a guy should be OK with it before he might lose his virginity. In practice, however, this can be very difficult. If you are a guy and you are a virgin, then you just won't have the practical experience to be able to deal with a lot of these issues. Earning this experience and finding out what you are comfortable with is part of the fun.
How does a guy lose his virginity?
The answer to this depends on the guy. You may be a guy who believes having vaginal penetration is the only to lose your virginity. If you do you will still consider yourself a virgin until it happens. If you feel performing other sex acts means you have lost your virginity, be aware not everyone might agree with you. If you are a gay man, having sex with your partner for the first time will most likely mean you have lost your virginity. This might be the case however you express it.
Your virginity is something with which you need to be comfortable. If you are a guy who wants to lose his virginity you should be prepared for the emotional and practical repercussions. This is the case however you want to define it. If you need some help with these practicalities, please read this article on how to lose my virginity - for guys.
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