How to Tell if a Man is a Virgin or Not
Is the man you're dating a virgin? Truth be told, there is no physical virginity test for men to know if they actually are. However, there are certain tell-tale signs that can let us know if a man has had any sexual experiences or not. The best way of getting to the bottom of this is to openly ask your man if he has had any sexual relations in the past, but it may be early in the relationship and breaching the subject can be difficult, especially if the man hasn't yet had sex at a time when most others are sexually active. If you feel too shy to do ask directly or are afraid of embarrassing him, look no further than this oneHOWTO article for some tips on how to tell if a man is a virgin or not.
Don't look for physical signs
As we mentioned above, the best way to be certain of a man's virginity is to ask him outright. There is no definitive tell-tale sign or anatomical indicator to reveal his sexual status. In women, it is easier to tell because the hymen breaks during sexual intercourse and normally leaves a little bit of blood.
Men, however, have no physical indicators that can help us determine if they are a virgin or not. They will have had experience of erections during puberty and may even have a experienced masturbation, but this is not the same thing as have sexual intercourse with another person. However, listening to our intuition and picking up on some behavioral traits might be the key to finding out if he is sexually experienced or not.
He's uncomfortable with female contact
One of the first things to look out for is his physical relationships with women. A heterosexual man who is particularly shy around women and is reluctant to touch them in any way is most likely a virgin. You might notice that, when you or another woman go to hug or touch him, he becomes flustered and awkward, without quite knowing what to do with his hands.
Shyness about touching a woman decidedly reduces in men who have been intimate in the past and they do not come across as being quite so awkward or agitated. A virgin will often keep their distance and so physical contact with the opposite sex will be close to non-existent.
However, there may be other reasons this man might be so nervous around women, other than whether or not he is a virgin. It is possible that he has intimacy issues, perhaps even caused by a bad sexual experience in the past. It could also be general anxiety which makes them visibly uncomfortable around all people, not just women. Perhaps, they might even be having a sexual crisis and are unsure of their sexuality (whether they are gay, straight, bisexual, etc.), so it might be difficult to tell. If it is for any of these reasons, it is going to affect your intimacy together, so it is best they are address early on.
Search for signs of nervousness
If you have an inkling that your new partner might be a virgin, test the waters by planning a date and turning up the heat a little. You can increase physical contact and try out some flirting techniques if you are not confidant yourself. Observe how he reacts and how he moves: this will help you determine if he has been in this situation before. His reaction might go either way:
- He might become very shy and be paralyzed with nerves, barely moving an inch and not daring to look at you.
- On the other hand, he might become overly excited and nervous and his movements will be fast and erratic. He might be jittery or clumsy in his actions and come over as a little desperate.
Both of these reactions might be key if you want to work out how to tell if a man is a virgin or not. If he is shy and quiet it could be that he is inexperienced and is intimidated by the thought of having sex. Equally he may not actually want to have sex and this is making him withdrawn. If he becomes jittery, it can be from the nerves caused by inexperience. Also, it could be from being uncomfortable as it is not a position they want to be in.
Whilst we consider these to be strong indicators of a partner's virginity, remember that they are not set in stone and are far from foolproof. They might simply be inexperienced lovers who still haven't overcome the jitters when getting intimate with a woman, as opposed to complete virgins.
Can't unfasten a bra
A strong hint as to whether a man is a virgin or not is when he goes to unfasten your bra. Although this may seem a little cliché and as though it has come straight from a romantic comedy, it really is a strong indicator of how experienced a man may be. Let him unfasten your bra and observe his hands, his composure and his nerves. Is he confident in what he's doing? Does he come over all flustered and dumbstruck?
However, we should remind you that these 'signs' might be misleading when trying to tell if a man is a virgin. There are men who have had multiple relationships and still can't unfasten a bra. To the other extreme, some virgins have felt so worried about the prospect of looking clumsy when getting intimate with a woman that they have gone to extreme lengths to prepare for this all-important moment and have actually practiced at home!
Another possible sign to tell if a man is a virgin or not during foreplay is how he goes about initiating something sexual. They might be awkward, apologetic and not self assured when it comes to making a move. Some sources suggest that if a man asks permission to instigate something, this is a likely that they are a virgin. This is potentially risky thinking as what it should imply is that the man is respectful and understands the importance of consent, not that they are inexperienced or a virgin.
Can't handle you in bed
When it comes to moving the relationship to the next level and having sexual intercourse, the sign and signals become all too clear. Most inexperienced or virgin men begin touching you clumsily and quickly, without really knowing what they should do or where they should place their hands. Moving their hands all over your body quickly and in a frenzied manner are sure-fire signs that they've never had a sexual encounter in the past.
You may be reading this because you have already been intimate with a man and want to know if he was a virgin before you instigated anything. One common occurrence for inexperienced men is premature ejaculation or sexual dysfunction (i.e. unable to get or maintain an erection). If this happens, it is certainly possible it is because they are a virgin.
Other inexperienced men make up for their lack of knowledge by watching adult films. Some make the mistake of pretending they are sex gods and that they have a wealth of experience between the sheets. Of course, when it comes to it, reality often falls short and his lack of experience will be obvious, so this may be a reason also.
However, it's possible, if not unlikely, that your man is a naturally good lover and understands how to work a woman's body during his first sexual encounter. So, if you had a previous inkling that your man might be a virgin but then he wows you in bed, you might understandably start doubting his virginity.
If you want to know if he can tell a woman is still a virgin, check for the signs that may find you out!
Just ask politely
So, as you can see, there are some signs that help you determine if your man is a virgin or not but none of them are foolproof or guaranteed. Often, you might mistake his lack of experience in the bedroom for virginity so the best thing to do is to be open and ask him outright if he is a virgin. Let him know that it's nothing to feel embarrassed about and can actually be a positive thing (it might make lovemaking more special, no risk of STIs, etc.) Communication is key in any relationship so bite the bullet and talk to him about it.
If you find out your guy is a virgin, you can take a look at our article on how to deal with a virgin man, so you know how to act in these situations.
If you are going to take the plunge and make love for the first time it's important that both of you are open and honest for mutual enjoyment and satisfaction. Here at oneHOWTO, we'll give you some advice on how to avoid pain the first time as well as suggest the best sexual positions for the first time.
If you want to read similar articles to How to Tell if a Man is a Virgin or Not, we recommend you visit our Sentimental relationships category.
- The best way to know if he is a virgin is to ask him directly but politely, not in a way that he may find offensive or intrusive. Be understanding, kind and patient. Remember trust is a pillar when it comes to relationships.