How to know if my boyfriend is gay

By Mary Smith. Updated: January 16, 2017
How to know if my boyfriend is gay

Homosexuality is not always easy to determine. As taboos and social norms often make a person try to fight their sexual preferences, many homosexuals try to maintain a heterosexual relationship. Because of this scenario many women are suspicious about the sexual orientation of their partner, are you in that position? At OneHowTo we give some clues to discover how to tell if your boyfriend is gay.

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Steps to follow:

Before we tell you about the proper signals to find out if your boyfriend is gay, it is important that you can distinguish between a man who is in touch with his feminine side and a man who is sexually attracted to other men.

That is to say, there are boys who enjoy doing certain things that we think are culturally girly, e.g. going out to buy clothes or taking care of their appearance. This does not mean that they are gay just because they are having fun doing these activities. To know if your boyfriend is gay you should look out for other details.


If you are reading this article because you have noticed some signs that make you suspicious about your partner's sexual orientation and want to confirm it, let's talk sexual behaviour first.

  • A man who fantasises about homosexuality, will probably not enjoy giving you oral sex, as it direct contact with a body that does not make them sexually excited.
  • Nor he interested in having sex with you, his partner. He doesn't usually make the first move and when you are intimate together, it is because you have initiated it.
  • He enjoys it when you give him oral sex, but he usually doesn't watch as you do it. He covers his face or closes his eyes, as if concentrating on something outside the room.
  • Given the possibility of a threesome with another man he may feel extremely afraid, or show real disgust, a sign that he is afraid to explore and enjoy it.

Many men who hide or are unwilling to confront their homosexuality, inevitably, have similar tastes or tendencies to gay men. For example, you may discover him enjoying homosexual or bisexual porn.


If you feel that your man is more feminine than usual, i.e. not only does he enjoy shopping or takes care of himself than you do, is very meticulous, obsessed with his appearance, does many typical female tasks and even talks like a woman, it's time to pay attention.


Many gay men try their best to hide their sexual inclination to avoid being criticised by society or lose their romantic or family stability. Therefore, a common characteristic for this type of person is homophobia: they vigorously reject through rage and anger, anything homosexual, a reaction to try to hide what he is really attracted to.


To know if your boyfriend or husband is gay watch how he looks at other people. When a man is heterosexual, and sees a couple for example, it's natural for him to first look at the girl and everything about her (breasts, face, beauty in general) and then the man. But on the other hand, men who are attracted to the same sex will always look at men more than women, especially at features like his crotch, his hands, the way he dresses or his bum.


Why are you reading this article? What makes you suspicious of your boyfriend or husband's sexuality? Your instincts can be a sign that something is wrong. List those things which make you question him and if you really believe or have confirmed that your partner is gay, talk to him.

Put yourself in his shoes. Trying to fake a life that doesn't make us happy to please others is one of the hardest things that a human being can do. You might feel hurt or offended, but he is also experiencing a complex situation that could destabilise his entire life.


If your partner doesn't admit it but you're still suspicious about his sexuality, it is best to go to couple therapy together. If instead your boyfriend or husband admits he is gay and you feel lost, it is best to see a psychologist for guidance and help.

If you want to read similar articles to How to know if my boyfriend is gay, we recommend you visit our Sentimental relationships category.

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How to know if my boyfriend is gay
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