How to Penetrate Easily without Pain

By Mary Smith. Updated: August 2, 2018
How to Penetrate Easily without Pain

Perhaps you have tried out some other sexual activities, but have yet to make the jump to penetration. There are many reasons you might be wary, both emotional and physical. As long as you practice safe sex and it is with someone you trust, vaginal penetration can be an ecstatic experience which makes you feel great. However, many girls will feel some pain the first time and may want to make sure this new experience is a pleasant as possible. If this is not your first rodeo, then you may be experiencing pain through penetration for other reasons. This oneHOWTO article we will show you how to penetrate easily without pain, whether it's the first time or you have recently been experiencing problems.

You may also be interested in: How to Penetrate a Girl - Tips

Why is penetration painful?

There is an important consideration which we need to make before we can know why penetration can be painful. This is whether or not your are a virgin. Before a woman has penetrative sex for the first time it is likely that they have an unbroken hymen. The hymen is a membrane which partially covers the outer opening of the vagina. It is an often uncomfortable aspect of female physiology that in most cases it gets broken during your first time.

For some, the hymen might be so small it won't have much effect. This is because it doesn't cover enough of the opening to become torn during penetration. Others might find their hymen has been broken already. This could be for any number of reasons such as a sporting incident or a fall. For the majority of the rest, however, the hymen is broken during the first time a woman has sex through penetration. As it is essentially skin which is being torn, there is likely to be some pain. Often this pain is accompanied by blood which can make the experience more intense.

It is important to know that the presence of blood is very common for girls when losing their virginity. It's possible that there is another issue (see below), but for the majority of women, their first vaginal penetration will be accompanied by some pain and blood. However, it is not uncommon for there to be some pain and no blood or vice versa.

We will go into detail about some ways to make this first experience as pain free as possible. However, if you are careful and yet you experience a lot of pain, then it is wise not to continue. This may be a disappointment at the time, but it sill be better for you in the long run. If you do experience and undue amount of pain, then a visit to a gynaecologist or sexual health clinic is recommended. They will be able to examine you and to see if there is a health issue which needs addressed.

How to lose your virginity without pain

If you are wanting to know how to have sex for the first time without pain, it can be tricky. If you are a boy, you won't have the same considerations with your anatomy. However, there are other considerations which need to be made. Regardless of gender, losing your virginity can be an intimidating thought. This is due to both the emotional impact and the physiological possibilities having sex produces. What is important is that you are both honest and ready with each other. If you are not ready, you will know it yourself, so trust your own feelings.

We will be mainly talking about women losing their virginity in heterosexual couples as often the penetration involved is with a penis. However, these issues can happen with any kind of penetration. You may be in a lesbian relationship and are wanting to use penetration with a sex toy for one or both of you. Many of the same emotional and practical concerns will be the same, even if the action is a little different. If you want to penetrate without pain for the first time, you need to be prepared:

  • The problem with good sex is that it usually takes experience, something you just won't have the first time. This is normal, so admitting to yourselves that you are inexperienced is important. If one or both of you pretends that they know what they're doing when they don't, it will likely lead to disappointment.
  • While there are some serious issues around losing your virginity, this doesn't mean having sex needs to be a problem. It is a fun and rewarding experience which healthy human beings engage in. This is why you need to make sure it is with the right person. This doesn't meant it has to be ‘the one’. You may feel passionately about the person you are with, but it doesn't mean you'll be with them forever. You should, however, do it with someone you trust. Trust they they will be gentle, consider your needs and not overreact if there is discomfort.
  • You might be nervous with your first time, so the best thing to do is to relax into it. If you are honest with your partner about your nervousness, you will likely see that they are just as nervous, if not more so. Speak to each other and help get each other in the mood by taking it slow and putting each other at ease.
  • Do it somewhere safe and secure. Whether you have overbearing parents or simply live somewhere so busy it is hard to get any privacy, it can be difficult to find the right place to do it for the first time. However, finding somewhere comfortable where you know you won't be interrupted is important. This is partly practical. If you sneak out to the back of a car to do it for the first time, the angles can make it problematic. Also, if you are somewhere you think you may get walked in on, it can put you on edge and make you tense. This is not conducive to a good first time.
  • Make sure you practice safe sex. Don't be unprepared when it comes to sexual health. Wearing a condom will not only protect you from STIs (sexually transmitted diseases) and unwanted pregnancy, but it can help reduce pain.
How to Penetrate Easily without Pain - How to lose your virginity without pain

Reduce pain during sex

If you are with the right person, prepared both emotionally and practically, then there are ways to make sure there is as little pain as possible. Here are our tips for making the first time as comfortable as possible:

  • Take it slow. Your hormones might be making each other feel irresistible, but jumping on each other without thinking is likely not going to make it a smooth ride. Start slow with some foreplay. Get comfortable, kiss each other and ease into it.
  • Reassure each other. You are both likely to be nervous, so make sure you both reassure each other that everything is OK and you are feeling good about what you are doing. If either of you aren't feeling good, other than obvious nerves, then you should stop. You can try again another time or simply wait until you are ready.
  • A condom will not only help protect you, but some of them can be good to help ease pain as they are lubricated. This lubrication will reduce the friction when the penis enters the vagina, hopefully reducing the potential for pain. A personal lubricant can also be used. Being nervous for the first time can affect how much a girl self-lubricates, so using another lubricant can help to make penetration smooth as well as protect the condom from breaking.
  • Finding the right angle will also help. If it is your first time, you probably don't want to choose an acrobatic position. There is nothing wrong with missionary for your first time. The reason this is beneficial is because if you are losing your virginity with a boy, then they can enter slowly and at the right angle. He should tease the end of his erect penis into the vaginal opening. You can open your labia with your hands to help ease in. If he feels too much resistance, then don't force it. Taking it gentle and slow will reduce pain, but if the hymen needs to be broken, then it may take a little friction to do so. It may be impossible to escape pain altogether the first time, but taking it slow this way will help reduce it.
  • Once he has entered, he may get carried away and try to pound himself against you. While this may feel good for him, it is unlikely it will for you during your first time. His thrusts should be slow and you can help guide him if he is going too fast.

Being prepared, taking it gentle and being well lubricated will all help reduce pain the first time. However, if you want to help be prepared mentally, you should speak to someone you trust who has more experience. If you have a good relationship with your parents, then this can be a good conversation to have with them. However, a guidance counsellor at school, your doctor or a sexual health professional at a Planned Parenthood center (or similar) can help give you the right advice. However, getting more than one opinion is best, especially if you are unsure who to trust.

How to penetrate without pain if you are not a virgin

If you have already had a sex life, but somehow find that penetration has become difficult, then there are other possible causes to think about. Here are some considerations to make:

  • Not being wet enough. Often if there is not enough lubrication, this can lead to sex being painful. The reason for this may be psychological or emotional. If you are having sex with a regular partner, then perhaps there is some emotional distance between each other. It's not that you haven't given consent, but you might simply not feel as connected or as turned on. Things might have gotten a little stale. Addressing these issues, reassuring each other and bringing back the spark can help you get turned on. This doesn't always mean fulfilling sexual fantasies, but being honest and open is almost always the best course. Also, never underestimate the power and importance of foreplay.
  • Some women find they produce a lot of vaginal lubrication, but some may not due to physiological issues. Proper hydration is important, but it can be difficult for many reasons. None of them should make you feel less of a woman or as if you are deficient in anyway. If you are concerned, you should consult a gynaecologist. Otherwise, using a lubricant can help make sex more enjoyable and it is not something you should feel ashamed of.
  • You may have a sexual health issue such as a sexually transmitted infection or even something more common such as thrush or a urinary tract infection. These can make penetration feel painful, especially if you have inflammation or a rash.
  • There are other conditions which can make penetration painful. One is vaginismus. This is when vaginal muscles spasm unconsciously. The reason for it happening can be varying, but it seems to be either psychological, physical or a mixture of both. It can occur after trauma to the vagina such as after particularly rough sex or even childbirth. For younger women, it is likely something which has been lying dormant until penetration has occurred. It could be from vaginitis, an inflammation of the vagina which often comes from some sort of infection. A trip to the doctor to treat an underlying cause of vaginismus or to diagnose the problem further.
  • If vaginismus is due to psychological reasons, then you will need to address them. Speak to someone you trust and seek help from a mental health professional if needs be. If you are with a regular partner, then they should be the first person you speak to. If your relationship is healthy, then you should be able to talk about it openly and honestly.
  • A more general word for pain during sex is dyspareunia. Dyspareunia can also be caused by an underlying physical condition or from a mental health issue. Either way, a trip to the doctor to help diagnose the cause is the best course of action.

If you are experiencing pain during penetration, then you should know that it is relatively common and something which needs to be addressed like any other pain issue. If you feel any stigma around this feeling or if you are with someone who is stigmatizing you, it is important to be reassured you are no less of a woman. If your partner is making you feel bad about this, then it should make you question the relationship. Finding someone to talk about it with and get some reassurance is really useful.

If you want to read similar articles to How to Penetrate Easily without Pain, we recommend you visit our Sentimental relationships category.

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