How To Respond To Being Ghosted
Ghosting refers to a behavior when someone who had a good relationship with you suddenly ends communication. They stop answering your calls, block you on social media, refuse to reply to your messages and break all contact without any warning. If someone does that to you, you may naturally feel ashamed and embarrassed. It's not that you even want to get back with someone who treats you like this. It's that you want to know why they have considered you so worthless you don't even deserve a reply to a text. At the very least you might want to help your self-esteem. oneHOWTO will tell you how to respond to being ghosted, so that you can start feeling good about yourself and maintain your dignity at the same time.
First of all, we need to make clear what is exactly is ghosting. Almost 80% of millennials have ghosted someone or have been ghosted by a girl or guy in their life.
Let's use a example case study who we will call Alice. Alice is confused, frustrated and upset. She had been dating a guy for a couple of months and she had the feeling their relationship was heading in the right direction. They were having a great time, but suddenly he vanished. He stopped answering her calls, he was not calling or texting her and he even blocked her on all her social media platforms. All Alice could do was rack her brain to assume what went wrong, but she could not come up with an appropriate explanation.
Has this ever happened to you? If yes, then you know how it feels when the person you like removes you from their life altogether. This may happen months, weeks, even days into a relationship and it is a common phenomenon among daters. So, what would you do when your date, friend or romantic partner pulls a vanishing act? Should you accept the rejection and try to move on, or reach out to them and push them to give you an explanation? Should you look into your own attitude and try to find out what wrong you did?
There are mitigating elements. If you go on a date with someone and it doesn't go well, being ghosted isn't going to be the biggest surprise. If you have been going out with someone for a year and they ghost you on the day before you move in together, then it's understandable you might be upset. One is a bad date, the other is emotional abuse.
Confirm you have actually been ghosted
Some cases of ghosting can be immediately clear. For instance, you may have texted ‘let’s spend this Valentine’s Day together’ and it went unanswered for weeks. If you are overeager, then you may need some self-awareness. But some cases can be a little cloudy. Sometimes, the person who called you several times in a day starts calling you only once in a couple of days. Long messages may become short one-word replies. Such behavior is no fun and may lead you to become confused.
But if your partner is showing such an attitude, don’t instantly assume they are ghosting you. The person may have a family emergency, a massive month-end workload or some other valid excuse. Basically, before you conclude they are ghosting you, make sure there is no other legitimate reason for losing touch. Also ensure you are not merely being impatient. What if they fell down a well and lost phone reception? How embarrassing would it be if you sent needy texts only to see them being hoisted out by firefighters on CNN?
Now that you know for sure, what do you do?
If you have ruled out all other possible anomalies and that you are sure you are being ghosted, you might want to consider your options. Our list of responses to being ghosted is a range of options, but it is up to you what to choose and they may change depending on the specifics of the situation.
- Call them out: if the person has not replied to your calls and texts for more than two weeks, it might be time to call him or her out on their BS. It could be via call, text, Twitter, email, Facebook Messenger, etc. The idea is to let them know that you know what they are doing and it is wrong, worthless and cowardly. If they are actually ghosting you, you will obviously not get a response, but at least you may feel better to vent your frustration. Do not call them out publicly over social media. Even if you are in the right, it can look needy and you will likely be taken out of context. It could even result in online bullying which won't improve your self-esteem.
- Don’t contact them: this is a hard thing to do, because when they have dumped you without warning, all you may just want is to deluge them with angry texts and emails. Unfortunately, anger has a way of taking it's toll on you. What might be healthier is to know how to stop thinking about him or her. Although it is difficult, you should maintain your dignity and take the high road. If you don't do this, you will just reassure their ghosting of you and they may bad mouth you to others.
- Delete them: once they have ghosted you, you don’t want them back in your life and the best way to get rid of them is to block them on all your contacts. Unfriend or unfollow them on all social networking sites, block their phone number, remove them from your contacts, set their emails to spam and remove them from whatever apps you are connected on. When you do this, they won’t be able to contact you, in case they want to get in touch and mess with you again. If they didn't have the guts to be respectful in the first place, they likely don't deserve a second chance. If they are weak enough to have ghosted you, they are gone for good.
- Stop blaming yourself: remember, if that person is behaving like this, then there is nothing you can blame yourself for. Even if you did something wrong, they should talk to you and try to get things sorted out. If the issues cannot be resolved, they should be mature enough to tell you that things are not working out and it’s time to part ways. If someone has started ghosting you, don’t waste your time figuring out what went wrong, and most importantly, don’t blame yourself. If they don’t have the guts to tell you on your face, if they are weak and immature, then it’s not your fault at all.
- Be glad they are gone: someone who can ghost is a person that you will never want in your life. If they are not able to even breakup properly, they are probably just as bad in other areas of your life. When they have lost touch, just be happy they are gone and you are saved from their nonsense. Drink champagne, have a party, enjoy with your friends and celebrate. This time, find someone who is worthy of your company and is mature enough to meet their responsibilities.
- Laugh at the situation: once you are done with your anger, hurt and shock, de-stress yourself by laughing at all this. Someone who takes the way of ghosting as the best way to deal with a non-working relationship, is a complete a**hole and deserves to be mocked, ridiculed and laughed at. So, go ahead and laugh in the mirror. Now you are free of that jerk and you have got an opportunity to move on. Read how to be happy after a breakup if you want to know how to move forward in a positive direction.
- Take it as a lesson: it is normal to feel confused, hateful and embarrassed when someone breaks contact with you. But instead of feeling pain and being sad, take this experience as a lesson. Although some lessons are painful, they let you see some new aspects of life and teach you how to deal with similar situations in the future. Express gratitude that you got rid of that person in time and you are saved from a more serious situation. It will make you ready for future disappointments that may come your way. Stop the game of self-blame and learn how you to take care of yourself, in case you are ghosted by someone again. While learning this lesson, keep your cool and accept the situation as it is.
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