Ending Relationships

How To Stop Thinking About Him Or Her

Nidhi Nangia
By Nidhi Nangia. Updated: March 5, 2019
How To Stop Thinking About Him Or Her

If you have recently gone through an unpleasant breakup, you may find you just can’t stop thinking about your recently lost love. Until recently you may have thought they were ‘the one’ or it may have been a long time coming. However well or badly a relationship ended, our once intertwined lives make it difficult to forget. You may even have developed a habit of regularly calling or texting your ex. But now that you have parted ways, you may not be able to stop thinking about someone with whom you are still obsessed. When he or she is always running through your mind, you may not be able to concentrate on your work and everyday activities. This oneHOWTO article will tell you how to stop thinking about him or her so that you can move on with your life.

You may also be interested in: How To Respond To Being Ghosted
  1. Stay near family and friends
  2. Avoid meeting the person
  3. Cut off any electronic contact
  4. Don’t indulge in emotional movies and music
  5. Avoid talking about the person
  6. Distract your mind
  7. Get rid of his or her belongings
  8. Don’t think about revenge
  9. Pursue your passion
  10. Forgive
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Stay near family and friends

The best way to keep yourself busy and feel positive is to stay surrounded by people who actually care about you and want to improve your well being. Family and friends will do wonders to keep you laughing and forget about the person you want to get out of your mind. You may wish to shut yourself in your bedroom door and sulk, these people will never let you stay alone and do everything that can make you feel better. Don’t refuse invites and get back into the habit of being an active participant in life.

Avoid meeting the person

You won't be able to stop thinking about a person if you see them all the time. It's even harder if you go out of your way to know what they're getting up to. Avoid running into this person by changing your schedule and route a little bit. For instance, if you go to a particular grocery store almost the same time every week, and the other person knows about this, go at a different time. Avoid attending gatherings where you know that person will be present. Meeting that person accidentally will likely result in an unpleasant encounter that you would want to avoid.

Cut off any electronic contact

Avoiding IRL contact can be difficult, but doing so can also be tricky. This is becoming harder and harder to do as technology advances. It is too easy to know the activities and whereabouts of a person even if we have no direct contact. Through social networking sites like Facebook, you will be able to see the person everyday and know what they are up to even if you are not talking. Although it can be a harsh step to take, remove the person from all your social media sites so that you can move on afresh.

How you do this depends on the quality of the break up. If you ended on good terms and this person is reasonable, they should understand why you have done this. However, some may have wanted to stay friends and see this as a personal slight against them. If this is the case, then you might want to send a quick message just to say that, although you both made the right decision, it is still emotionally difficult to think about. They should understand and may even be feeling something similar.

Don’t indulge in emotional movies and music

While you are trying to forget a person and stop thinking about them, your mind is likely already open to depression and mood swings. During this time, you must be feeling vulnerable and emotional. The music you listen to, movies you watch and books you read can help you wallow. It is healthy to mourn the loss of a relationship, but it is not good to indulge in self-pity.

The media you consume should be cathartic. You may watch something which reminds you of this person, but also reassures you why it is good not to be together. Alternatively, enjoy uplifting songs, movies and books which make you feel strong, center yourself and stop you thinking about him or her.

How To Stop Thinking About Him Or Her - Don’t indulge in emotional movies and music

Avoid talking about the person

If you have some mutual friends, ask them not to talk about the person in front of you. Also warn them against updating you about their activities and whereabouts. The fact that the person is happy and has moved on in his life can be painful, even if you know it to be the right thing to do.

However, you need to be careful. When you start telling people not to talk about someone or exclude them from your life completely, you run the risk of hanging on to obsession. It's like quitting smoking, but still thinking about having a cigarette all the time. It also means that when a person is mentioned it can set you back. Don't go about talking about the person all the time, but don't do it to the point you hold on to your feelings and don't move on.

Distract your mind

This is not to say that distraction from that person isn't also very helpful. Remind yourself that you are the controller of your thoughts and if you don’t want to think about someone, you don’t need to. Keep yourself busy at school or work or take up projects to keep yourself focused. When there are other things to attend to, you will seldom get time to sulk about that person. If you are not able to focus on other things, give yourself some time to feel emotional, write down your thoughts on a paper and tell yourself that you are now ready to move on.

Get rid of his or her belongings

If you have any gifts that the person gave you, you may want to get rid of them if they cause you too much pain. If they are useful items or expensive ones, try to detach that person from these things and make sure that you don’t feel sad while using them. If they do, it’s better to get rid of them and replace them with your own things. For instance, if it’s a ring, try to sell it out and get a new one which does not remind you of that person.

You can remove other things from your life that reminds you of that person. If you have some memories with certain songs, delete them from your MP3 player and replace them with some upbeat tracks that encourage you to forge ahead and be confident. However, when you have moved on emotionally, you will know that these are just objects, they are don't have any power other than that which you ascribe to them. Once you can wear a shirt which belonged to the other person without getting hung up on your feelings about them, it's a healthy sign you have moved on.

Don’t think about revenge

If the person hurt you at the end of the relationship, don’t be consumed with a desire to take revenge. While you are obsessed with vengeance, you won’t be able to let it go and stop thinking about him or her. If you believe in cosmic justice, you can give yourself a reason that he or she will get their comeuppance somehow. If you don’t believe in any such higher power, understand that life is not always fair and you have the right to enjoy your life without that person. Don’t be affected with what happened and don’t sink to that person’s level to hurt others. Maintain your dignity and move on.

Pursue your passion

Instead of wasting time on thinking about that person, give yourself a right track by getting involved in a productive activity. Think about the hobbies you always wanted to pursue and try to incorporate them in your everyday routine. Join a sports club, get enrolled in a gym, go for aerobic classes, try some dance classes or do whatever interests you. While you are doing something interesting, you won’t think about your past. Doing something new and making yourself better will help you to feel good. You will perceive yourself as an improved person who is too good for the one you are trying to forget. Doing something will help you realize your true worth and find peace of mind.


Ultimately, forgiving that person is extremely helpful in forgetting him or her. Even if they did something wrong, admit that no one is perfect and your life has to move on. Don’t hold any grudges and remind yourself that you did the right thing by letting him or her go. It should be said, however, that there are exceptions. There is a difference between being a bad partner and being an abuser. These people aren't worth your forgiveness and focusing on your own mental well-being is much more important.

With most relationships, the past has to go and whatever happens happens for the best. This way, you will be able to stop thinking about him or her and you will feel free to move on. Read how to break up with someone respectfully if you want to ensure you can do it better in the future.

If you want to read similar articles to How To Stop Thinking About Him Or Her, we recommend you visit our Sentimental relationships category.

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