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How to Have Pleasurable Anal Sex

Mary Smith
By Mary Smith. Updated: October 19, 2017
How to Have Pleasurable Anal Sex

There are many myths about the practice and enjoyment of anal sex. With all the negativity which has surrounded it through societal and religious intolerance, it is understandable if you have a little hesitance. It's not for everybody, but it can be a really pleasurable experience. There are practical considerations for anal play if you want to feel comfortable. The anus is sensitive and has other functions, so you'll need to be careful if you don't have experience. It also has nerve endings which can be very pleasurably stimulated. oneHOWTO shows you how to have pleasurable anal sex so you can see how you can enjoy yourself to the fullest.

You may also be interested in: What Are the Best Sex Positions for Anal Sex

Steps to follow:


We'll loosely define anal sex here as penetration of the anus. This means this advice will work for same sex couples as much as it will those of the opposite sex. It will be just as useful for those looking for sex tips when wanting to introduce sex toys into their fun. As long as you have at least one anus between you, this advice will be helpful. It will even work for those who maybe want to experiment with anal play on their own.

Before you have enjoyable anal sex with a partner, you have some emotional considerations to make. There are too many incidents of both men and women having a partner suggest anal penetration in the middle of intercourse without consulting first. In the throes of passion, it can be difficult to make these decisions and could cause a problem. Of course, any sex without consent is illegal.

Introducing the topic to your partner can be a little daunting as you are breaking taboos. However, if it's someone you trust and has your best interests at heart, then an adult conversation will be fine. Trust is important as knowing each other's sexual boundaries will help to prevent a bad experience. This is why it is probably not best to have anal sex with someone you don't know or have just met.

It doesn't have to be a long conversation, just a chat to make sure you're both on the same page and relaxed. If you are wanting to enjoy some anal penetration on your own, a little bit of time to reflect and settle won't go amiss either. Relaxing your body means relaxing your sphincter, making anal sex much more enjoyable and practically easier.


With anal sex, it's not a good idea to go right for the bullseye, as it were. There are some practical considerations you might need to make. The first question is:

Do you wash or not?

If you have a healthy digestion, you should have a pretty decent relationship with your anus. You know when to go and you should know if it is clean or not. If you've done your job properly, your anus should normally be pretty clean. It is a good idea to have a shower first as it will keep you clean and help you relax. However, you don't need to go to the extent some people go to of having anal douches or similar. In general, these are not good for you unless a medical profession has given cause to use one.

You do need to wash whatever is going to be used for anal penetration. If this is a penis, sex toy, fingers or whatever, it needs to be clean. Otherwise you could be introducing foreign bacteria which can lead to some nasty ailments if you're not careful.

Where to have anal sex?

When you're deciding where to have anal sex, you need to consider you're options. Ideally, you should do it on a bed. Anal sex might not be as easy in terms of positioning as other types of penetration. Often the person being penetrated will be on their back or on all fours. If this is the case, then a bed will make things more comfortable.

While you may be clean, the use of lube and the potential for a mess might mean you want to put down a towel or something similar. This is just a suggestion and it shouldn't have to make your experience any less sexy.

How to Have Pleasurable Anal Sex - Step 2

Importance of foreplay

When you're both (or just yourself for solo play) ready on the practicalities, you can start to get ready. Like most good sex, a little foreplay goes a long way. Getting yourselves in the mood will mean that you are relaxed and also your enjoyment will be heightened. You can have sex like you normally do, incorporating as much kissing and oral sex as you want before you penetrate anally.

If you want, you can also have your partner perform anilingus first (also known as a rim job). This involves giving the anus a little kissing and tongue play. Be careful when going ass to mouth or back on to the genitals as fecal matter can spread bacteria. A little wipe or quick wash is advised.

Now that you are both excited and raring to go, you can go to rearing. Unlike vaginas and mouths, the anus is not self lubricating. You will need to use and appropriate lubricant for enjoyable anal sex. Choose a water based lubricant, preferably one specifically designed for sex. There are other lubes out there, such as Vaseline, but do not use these as they are not good for anal sex. They also can render latex condoms useless and encourage them to break. Which brings us to our next point.

Wear a condom

If you want to be safe, it is ideal to use a condom for anal sex. If you are being penetrated by a penis, it will stop bacteria from getting into the urethra. It will also stop any bacteria on the penis from getting into the rectum. You may even want to use a condom if being penetrated with a sex toy. This is because it will keep the toy clean if you want to use it afterwards (either way you should always wash them).

You don't have to wear a condom, but there are more reasons to use one than not. If you wear a condom, you can remove it and enjoy vaginal penetration afterwards. You can't get pregnant by ejaculating into the anus, but if some of the sperm does drip down to the vaginal passage then it is possible (if not common).

How to Have Pleasurable Anal Sex - Step 3

Keep it slow

When it's time to enjoy pleasurable anal sex, choose you position. You can have anal sex pretty much any way you have regular sex, it just might be a little trickier to get into position. If you are doing it for the first time, we advise going from behind with the person being penetrated on all fours. This way you can have easier action as well as being able to reach round for the breasts, nipples, penis, clitoris, etc. for added stimulation.

Spread the buttocks apart and apply a generous amount of lube. Do this for both the anus and the object you are going to penetrate with. Slowly edge in the tip and push forward gently. You should feel a little push back and, if this is your first time, it might seem a little strange for the direction of traffic to go the other way. Once you persevere and start to penetrate back and forth, this strange sensation should turn in to a very enjoyable one. This is part of the reason for the taboo.

Keep it slow and help your partner keep rhythm to ensure they aren't too forceful. How deep you go depends on how comfortable you are with the penetration.

If you are wearing a condom, then coming during anal sex is not a problem. Even if you aren't wearing a condom, as long as you are both free of STIs, it is safe to ejaculate in the anal passage. Just remember that what comes up, must come down, another reason why laying a towel down is advisable.

To come or not to come?

There are many opposing opinions on whether or not anal orgasms exist. There are specialists who argue that yes, they do exist because the area is full of nerve endings with which you can reach climax. Others argue that without clitoral stimulation, a woman finds it difficult to reach orgasm. With men, the prostate gland being massaged can provide the kind of stimulation which either feels like an orgasm or helps intensify an orgasm.

There isn't a unanimous opinion about it, but what is known is that most people who have had anal sex say that the pleasure is very intense and enjoyable. This is why taking a hole-istic approach to anal sex is the best approach.

How to Have Pleasurable Anal Sex - Step 4

Pleasurable anal sex

If you follow these guidelines, you should be on your way for enjoyable anal sex which should be mutually thrilling. Here are a few tips to remember to make sure it's the kind of experience you want to repeat:

  • Make sure you're both (or all) on the same page
  • Prepare yourself and your arena
  • Use lots of lube
  • Wear a condom if unsure
  • Get in the mood with foreplay
  • Choose a comfortable position
  • Remember to stimulate all of the body for heightened sensuality
  • Go slow to start and build up rhythm

The more you do it, the more you will get to know what you enjoy and what you don't. You will be able to use different positions and take it to other parts of the house. There are many misconceptions about anal sex, including what happens to your anus. If you are slowly, don't penetrate too roughly and don't use anything too big, your anus will not stretch out like some warn against. You may become more flexible, but the way you enjoy anal sex will have an effect, not just having anal sex at all.

As anal sex is still taboo in some communities, there are worries that people lose respect for the receiver after performing this act. This is true as some people do lose respect. However, if they do, they're not worth allowing them such access in the first place. They are most likely hung up on some constructed bias and may even be confused in their identity. If someone loses respect for you because you have anal sex, you should return the favor by losing respect for them.

These tips are here to help you enjoy healthy sex with someone you trust. Let us know if you have any other (helpful) advice you'd like to share with the community by posting a comment below.

If you want to read similar articles to How to Have Pleasurable Anal Sex, we recommend you visit our Sentimental relationships category.

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How to Have Pleasurable Anal Sex